Midnight Dance at Deering

Walking back in the dark, slowly placing one foot in front of the other,

I started to twirl – my mind with my feet,

Staring up at the silver moon, tears

Welling up in my heart, mouth itching to open wide and

Scream – so I knew I had to dance and

When I ran out into that open field of

Pesticide-laden too-green grass and started to

Lunge, tiptoe, skip, leap and kick –

I was dancing in Daddy’s clover field again,

Nose filled with the sweet scent of loamy earth and the

Stars were shooting sparks out of the Milky Way –

My own private fireworks…but

Opening my eyes from that beautiful dream to see that

This sky of stars was distant, not quite there –

A friend who texts while talking to you – and the grass

Stung the skin of my legs as I rolled, then

Bent backwards, almost touching, arms flailing

And as music built up in my ears, so, too

Was that displaced feeling of loneliness and

Sadness, of fear of the unknown –

Building as I grabbed pieces of air in my fist, kicking and

Stabbing and running, my breath

Heavy, panting

Heartbeat wild.

My freshman year of college was

Years long, but too short and I am

More confused of my place on Earth –

My mission, my passion, my dream –

Than ever before and as

I fell to the ground, taking one final

Bow, the glorious ending to a

Midnight dance underneath a polluted sky, in a

Field of chemical-covered grass far from home, I

Listened to the thumping beat of my soul in

My ears and as the sound died down, my

Mask of power, of unending happiness,

Love, joy, confidence – crumbled, and I was

Wailing – without tears, without sound.

Afterwards I slid my dirt-smudged toes into

My Italian sandals once more, looked

Up at the haze surrounding the moon and

Slowly walked on, putting one foot

In front of the other

Drained, full, and empty

All at once.